Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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