I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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