i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
