Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
