i may or may not be watching the land before time
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
