One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
why is half of my head shaved?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
