im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
two words: eviction party
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
