Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
