so that wasnt chicken after all
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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