i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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