youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
