I hate your face
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I cockslap morals
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
