Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
