Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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