Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
