I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
