so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
