What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
