HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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