WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
