she was so not down for the gang bang
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
