Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Let's get the cat blown out
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
