Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
