I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
