there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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