I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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