Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
