I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
