On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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