its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
