By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Rumble strips road head = magical
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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