After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
