There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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