No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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