Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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