I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
