I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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