I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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