I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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