Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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