I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
