just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
