I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
