Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
