I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Who died my cat blue again?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
