woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My ass is underappreciated
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
