I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
