he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
