Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
