dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
