i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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