then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
